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Mr. President

Mr. President

 

……Hello beloved internet viewers!  Our apologies for not making you aware sooner, but the apparently necessary employees and management of Stuff You Need are currently attending the company get away in Italy.  

……On my dime.  

 ……Bastardos.


 

……But I am told that’s the way  to keep the workers happy and keep them from talking to the media or the Triads.  So, the unveiling of new products will unfortunately be delayed during this time, until everyone gets back and sobers up from the Tuscan wine.

……In the meantime, Chet is watching the shop and will show you new things occasionally, when he’s not collecting on accounts.

Chet

Thank you kind Chet!

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Mr. President

Mr. President

“T-Ray” Rayburne here everyone, happy to be ‘rappin’ at ya!

I know times are tough.  Everyone’s struggling to put food on the dinner table or fuel in their third jet, and the SuperEuro just doesn’t go as far as it used to in the shadow economy.  You’ve got to squeeze every penny, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still please your palette.

And in that frame of mind I want to treat my Stuff You Need custome…no, no, my Stuff You Need FRIENDS.

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Yep, I have decided to open up my private stock of incredibly scarce IRRAWADDY DOLPHINS for you to liven up your next BBQ!

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Nature's delicious majesty

Nature's delicious majesty

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Sure, every red-blooded American loves burgers and hot dogs are fine for the kids, but they simply won’t lift the spirits of a down home cow poke on bail for securities fraud.  What he needs is the fine, succulent taste that only dolphin, fresh off the grill, can provide.

And not just any idiot net-caught dolphin, these spicy Irrawaddy dolphins are direct from the sub-continent.  Rare?  You bet, but hell, serve ‘em however you like!  After all, swimming in that Bangladeshinine water makes the meat so tender, it’s fall off the fin delicious.

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……Order some today and we’ll airlift them straight to your front door, all prepped for grillin’, and with a complimentary apple stuffed in the blowhole.

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……And now don’t you ever say that ole’ T-Ray never did anything for his friends or wildlife.  Especially to a DHS agent.

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