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Posts Tagged ‘Ancient Ones’

Designer Neri Oxman makes living dead things.

No, not zombies.

Think chairs:

Didn't I see this on Battlestar Galactica?...

Didn't I see this on Battlestar Galactica?...

Like the BEAST here…
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She said she wants to create buildings that “breathe and sweat and think and grow and change”….
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Step right up, don't be afraid, just let the tubes do the work

Step right up, don't be afraid, just let the tubes do the work

……Ahhh…Ok yeah, well, see…about that.  We tried making an apartment block out of synthesized plasma and bone marrow shavings we’d been saving up from every Stuff You Need’s Bone Marrow Shaving Sundays, but, well, let’s just say that the Silent Hill Condo Association didn’t turn out quite right…
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……Oh hell, the specs were gorgeous, totally unique: I mean, there’s nothing like real flesh to make non-Euclidean structures, even if the tenants started to gibber only a few hours after handing over their security deposits.  What were they complaining about?  Having a roof with no angles gives you an amazing view of the night sky and the Old Ones hiding behind the stars.  That’s just added-value.

You don’t even want to know what the place sounds like when the foundations are “settling”

You don’t wanna know what it sounds like when the foundation is “settling”

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……But of course, the main thing people like Oxman forget is when you’ve built something living, its freaking alive.  Meaning you’d damn well better deal with two of my least favorite “S”s: Sex and Shitting.
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……That’s right, you’re all kissing each others asses that first week, blitzed on boysenberry champagne for building the first block of flats with tits, until you go down to do laundry in the basement and realize there’s no septic system in the world that can handle thirty stories of crap.  Not even the New York Post.  (Yeah, suck it Murdoch!)

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Do Not Tease the House

Do Not Tease the House

……So until someone comes up with a 25,000 square foot diaper, let’s stick with your usual stuff like concrete, wood, old tires and crushed glass from used haz-mat containers, and leave the bio-engineering to the guys melting skin for robots.

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(Besides, once you’ve got skyscrapers filled with blood, its only a matter of time until you’ve got vampire pigeons on your hands.)

Columba vampiria

Columba vampiria

– Blarnke out

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