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Posts Tagged ‘Groundhog Day’

Horatio FinespunAll right everyone, it’s April 16th, and you know what that means:  it’s R&D’s annual ‘One-Day Kickback’ offer!

Prior to now, only my fellow Stuff You Need employees could take part for a small swift fee, but I’m now ecstatic to be able to open our doors to the public and their wallets.

Every year on the day after America’s Internal Revenue Sepsis, I invite people to use our experimental time machine to jump back one day and file their forms on time.  I don’t care why you waited, and I don’t want to hear any lame excuses not wrapped in crisp untraceable bills: we’re just here to help.
IRS
The rules remain the same:

  • You can only go back one day, to the 15th ………..(of this year, people)
  • Have your nominal fee ready in a standard under the table envelope
  • Try not to screw up the time stream too much with butterflies and what-not
  • Since this is a one-way trip, make sure to use the gun we provide to kill your lazy younger self first, so you can take his place and actually file your taxes

Oh, and of course, don’t screw about when you get there and think you can just show up here again today to go all roundabout again – this isn’t bleeding Groundhog Day.

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To put you off such behavior, I will of course be making the last jump to ensure no one actually comes in on that April 16th, and once that’s confirmed with my younger self, I’ll shoot him in the face (or he’ll kill me, doesn’t really matter).

Look, don’t think too hard about this timey-wimey stuff, just be happy you’ll be avoiding the worst time devouring menace of all: the IRS!  (that’s a little time traveling tax humour for you)

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Cheers!……………………..

– Horatio………………..

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(Oh, forgot to mention, if something does go wrong, and you end up somewhere back in time where it’s rather inconvenient for you to kill your younger self and take his place, then you’re on the honor system to kill your own self and save the rest of us some kind of knackered’ Sound of Thunder’ scenario, ok?)

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