Posts Tagged ‘Hobo’

Karnia WhelkHi happy internet readers!  This is Karnia Whelk, your faithful servant from Stuff You Need’s Customer Service department.

I’ve gotten to talk to some of you by phone I’m sure, but now that we’re in this new, web-based economy, I can’t wait to “blog” you.

I’m of course here to help people with their problems on specific products, but a big part of my job is to answer your questions about our company and Science! at large.  So, on Wednesdays I plan to ‘Whelk-out’ [grin] by digging deep in the brown muck of our mail bag to respond to your queries, and check out some of that crazy science flopping around our world.

I just know we’re going to have a lot of fun together  =)  !!   So drop me a line at stuffyouneed [dot] 9000 [at] gmail [dot] com , or in the comments below!


CASH MONEY: First up this week is the exciting news that President (dreamboat) Obama has pledged to raise the government’s funding of SCIENCE!  I can’t tell you how excited everyone here was when we found out Obama’s going to spend as much on Research & Development as Military spending.  That’s crazy!  I mean, I didn’t realize they were ever separate in the first place, but to think that we’ll now have two streams of income to use in making radioactive nanobots, well that’s just super.

Our Experimental Accounting Division has already swung into action creating a whole new swath of shell corporations and cutouts unlinkable to us, so Stuff You Need can take full advantage of all these new, yummy taxpayer dollars.

We look forward to taking your money to make products we can sell back to you!


HOBO PLANET:  Maybe we can use some of that new money to help get Earth back on its feet and out of living in a junkyard.  With all the space gunk orbiting us now, its no wonder we can’t get a clear shot of the lunar surface from our Subterranean Winterfresh Crystals Rayzor.  Why, we only want our friendly Man in the Moon to be cavity free…


VIET NOW YOU’RE TALKIN’! : Seeing old friends like Vietnam and Russia working together to move product warms my cockles.  Just knowing that those big, silent boats are prowling the South China sea makes me think of my favorite musical – one guess! (ok, it’s Sweeny Todd!)  AND, the best part is this is that new GREEN Economy at work, building a brand new submarine by recycling precious resources that might have been used for something impractical in Russia, like a school or housing.

Well that’s it for this week, so thanks for coming by – I’ll be Whelking at you again soon!

–  Karina


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