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Posts Tagged ‘Keith Richards’

STOCK UP

RoosterStraight from our Edible Foods department comes this exciting news: “Choking your chicken is no longer just for fun – now it’s an easy way to make savory soups for the entire family!”

Here’s how: years of bioengineering have left certain breeds of our hens as rubbery and tough as Keith Richards.  Who wants to eat that, even as a McNugget?  And of course these birds are of limited use to our Disaster Shop because they just don’t hit the turbines right.

So what to do with a coop full of vulcanized peckers?

You do what Momma always did with a tough cock: soupify it!

The great news is, these ‘RUBBER’ CHICKENS are primed to make stock preparation faster than ever.  As their bones have all been turned elastic, all you have to do is cut off their feet, grab them by the neck squeeeeeeze downwards, squirting out all that lovely marrow into your waiting stock pot.

Now you don’t have to spend hours slaving over a hot stove just to get that delicious matrix of flavor you’d sell your own kids for, because it’s easier than getting that last drop of toothpaste out of the tube.

We also recommend: Stuff You Need’s “Ear Sealant” is a godsend when working your ‘Rubber’ Chicken.  Trust us – you’ve never heard a sound quite like a bird being turned into the equivalent of ketchup packet.

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