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Posts Tagged ‘Weather’

They'll catch their death...

They'll catch their death...

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……In today’s busy world, knowing when a storm is brewing is more important than ever.

But if you’re like most of our customers, you simply can’t abide that syphilitic local weatherman, and you’d rather have a deranged servant chew off your knuckles before sticking your hand outside in that germ encrusted air to see if it’s raining.

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……So what’s to be done?

Well the solution was so simple, we smacked around the janitor for not coming up with it sooner: high powered cosmic rays!

Specifically muons…apparently, when these little guys hit the dome of heaven, some kind of magic happens and it can tell us all about when/where/what Mother Nature’s going to crap down on us next.

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……Luckily, Stuff You Need has just the stuff you need – simply bury a few of these guys under your home:

King of Crete

And then start blasting them with this handy-dandy neutrino beam (which no home should ever be without):

You definitely don't want to get your junk caught in there

You definitely don't want to get your junk caught in there

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Soon enough, you’ll have a better handle on what’s happening in your neck of the woods than Willard or Al, and as a free bonus: everything in your home will have that intense squeaky cleanness that can only come from bremsstrahlung radiation caressing every nook and cranny.

……So call today: our operators are standing by to get you “muon your way!”

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